Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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