Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
