i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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