i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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