Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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