By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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