things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
