How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Send help, water and tortillas.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
