My sheets look like a crime scene.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
