Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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