i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
