just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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