I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize