i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
