Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
