I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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