Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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