I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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