smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
