My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
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Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
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It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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