If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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