Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
