3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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