So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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