forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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