i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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