ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
