great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
