nut hugger
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
