I wanna bring you to show and tell
it hurts more in the daytime
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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