I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
