i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
