no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
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I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
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I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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