There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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