ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
