break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
