im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
