I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
