u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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