we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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