it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
