I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
