I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
