Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
