I can tuck mytits in my pants
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
