I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
