I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
