9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize