Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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