Define "chronic" masturbator.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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