great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
