Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
