dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You ruined the universe
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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