I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
