OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Liz is crying about burritos again.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
