I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
