Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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