so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
