and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
