It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Mom said you looked used
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
