You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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