Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
