So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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