So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
