Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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