walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
