Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
