forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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