im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
