i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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