I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
