The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
